I hated how todays conversation ended. I could’ve said more and reassured you, but at the same time I felt like you wanted to hang up anyway so I went along with it. I’m sorry I didn’t say good night like you did, I feel like saying good night is much more intimate than a simple bye. And I avoid intimacy at all costs.

I’m sorry if I made you talk too much, and i’m sorry if I talked too little. Though I do resent how I have to carry the conversations sometimes because I feel like you’re very uninterested in what I have to say. And i’m sorry that I wasn’t comfortable in our silence, even if you were. But it’s true, I feel like I should be talking more but I hate talking.

In a relationship other than friendship, I’m always the listener, I don’t talk a lot. But with you I feel like I have to talk to keep you entertained? I just don’t want you to get bored of me, so I try to come up with things to say but I hate it. I don’t want to be the talker, I want to be the listener. I want to be passive and nod or shake my head. I want to offer my understanding eyes and small advice, but nothing more. It’d be nice if we could exchange that role equally. I just don’t want to keep you on the phone if you don’t have much to say, or anything to say at all.

I am aware of how bad it sounds, but i’m just not used to this. I hate this. And I want to tell you this. But if I do, it would be because it’s serious. And if there’s one thing I hate is taking my own feelings seriously.