I feel so lonely even in a room full of people. And it’s so ironic, because I always want space. It’s stupid that I complain about feeling lonely but space is what I need and what helps me whenever I feel neglected. And I feel like everything around me is all just so superficial. And what’s worse is the superficial conversation, but I’m hypocrite because I partake in that yk? And I’ve just been feeling left behind by everything. Especially with you Patty. You’re great and attentive and always ask me whats wrong but I’m getting needy and then I think I’m not someone important to you. I’m not like this usually and I hope it’s just a small phase or something.

My feeling have been getting to complex lately. I’ve always been pretty indifferent Patty. I never cared too much or too little about something. I never got mad or sad easily. I was either neutral or happy. That’s as far as my emotions went.

But now that I have you, I feel a multitude of things. I feel happy and loving and all the good things, I feel them very strongly. But then I also feel sadness and anger even more strongly. And idk why. You don’t do anything bad to me, at all. You treat me so good and you’re the perfect person, you’re so understanding and loving but sometimes I feel wronged by you. And when I’m mad and you apologize I want to tell you not to apologize bc it’s not your fault but then I remember that this has happened before, you’ve apologized then too and it’ll be repeated again and then you’ll apologize again and the cycle continues. And I get mad when you’re sweet with me when you’re apologizing because it feel like you’re trying to compensate in a way for making me feel bad. But it’s dumb, all of it Ik.

And I’m getting mad and irritated at everything recently. And I feel terrible because no one is doing anything mean to me. And when you ask if I’m doing okay I get so mad for some reason because I find it ironic that you’re asking because if I’m upset it’s because of you. But on the other hand I want to curl up into your arms and tell you what’s wrong and cry and have you console me, but then I think that that’s too much. You didn’t sign up to be with someone who gets so irrationally upset, and whose personality changes so quick. I always preach about consistency but I’m the most inconsistent person I know. I go from being sweet and loving with you to cold and brief because for some reason I feel wronged by you. BUT YOI DONT DO ANYTHING WRONG that’s the issue with me.

It’s all just so confusing. Maybe it’s just a slight hormone imbalance or something. I hope I go back to normal soon.